We are going to be LATE!

So we are a month into the new school year – half term is upon us and that usually means that by now we have a little morning routine going…

You know the drill – getting up too late (7:45am) because you can’t resist hitting the snooze button (7am, 7:15am, 7:30am), then very importantly taking time to check your phone to see what you may have missed overnight (Instagram, Facebook, Daily Mail App, Instagram again….) then jump in the shower whilst the kids are supposed to be brushing their teeth – but in reality are building dens out of the duvet (which is double annoying because you have to then gather up the said duvet, pillows and sheets which takes you longer to make their beds taking extra time – which you had not accounted for – whilst reading about Kim Kardashian at 7:35am). So you get showered in lightening quick time, hair washed, conditioned, everything whilst brushing your teeth at the same time – then exit the shower squirting on the baby oil and going for the pat down technique to save time not having to do a full body moisturiser job.

Kids are still faffing around doing everything but brushing their teeth so you sprint upstairs 2 at a time which you don’t really mind since you’ve missed your workout slot this morning by not getting up on the first alarm at 7am and you need to get the exercise in because you ate 2 mini packs of maltesers, 1 milky way and 4 refresher bars  last night while The Great British Bake Off was on because – well how can you not?? Did I mention you’re only wearing your knickers at this point? So you’ve got your boobs flapping around, hair in a turban & the kids laughing at your big tummy and you think nothing of opening the blinds to let some light in – the husband spots you and thinks you’re putting on some kind of saucy striptease for the neighbours – so you’re now half laughing and half shouting at the kids to get their bloody teeth brushed or YOU WILL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!

Teeth cleaned, school uniforms on, beds made, 2 afros sprayed with water, conditioned, brushed through – then styled. It is now 8:35am – that gives you a 10 minute window to give the kids breakfast. East fast kids and get your shoes and coats on at the same time. Suppose I had better get myself dressed – back up the stairs 2 at a time hairdryer in one hand, Charlotte Tilbury Film Star Glow in the other.

Back downstairs, you scoop up the kids, their bags, water bottles and PTFA slips that should have been handed in last week and set off on the 2 minute walk to school. You see the same faces every morning – usually walking out of the school gates as you are running in and silently tell yourself that tomorrow you are most definitely, certainly, absolutely going to get up at 7am, do the workout, be organised and ready to walk out of the door at 8:30am like the people who have their lives in order seem to be able to manage.


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